Do I Regret Doing This?

Do I Regret Doing This?

by | Jan 31, 2024 | January 2024

A question that people keep asking, “Do you regret doing this?”

I hate this question. It has only been 5 months since I began this journey. Do I miss certain things from having a house? Sure, a big bathroom. My awesome office. That’s just stuff and convenience. I miss talking to my grandkids, and my kids. But we could talk more on the phone. I still love them all, and always will.

I don’t regret the adventure. The people I’ve met. The places I’ve seen. The time I’ve been able to take a breath. Reconnecting with family and friends I wouldn’t have been able to do had I not taken this trip. The spectacular foods, beaches that call me by my name…

How can I regret any of that? Maybe I could have done other things with the monies. Bought another house somewhere else. Spent it wiser, traveled less, played it safe.

I think the risk I’ve taken to do this, fears included, get me out of my comfort zone so that I can allow myself to grow and heal. Allison told me I needed love; and I deserved that. Maybe that’s part of this grand adventure too. Even if it’s just to learn to love me.

This is a journey of many things from stepping off the hamster wheel, to reconnect, reflect, find my belonging home, challenge my brain, regain my strength, find my power…a true-life adventure. Gators and all.

If you’re asking me if I regret it, maybe it’s because you cannot imagine this adventure for yourself. And that’s okay. It’s not your journey and it’s not for everyone. It’s scary for some. It’s a risk to give up your home and live in a RV and travel around the countryside…

‘What if you fail?

Oh, but what if I fly?!’

 

My Winter Spot

My Winter Spot

by | Jan 30, 2024 | December 2023

(11th Post) December

Still stunned. I set up camp at Holiday RV Village in Leesburg, FL. Walking Nella throughout the RV village several times a day seems to keep one foot in front of the other as I’m still trying to wrap my head around the recent tragic event.

The campground is huge (936 sites) and offers a massive amount of things to do. The walks seem to distract me the most as I have to keep watch for snakes and gators! The back side of the park has a marina on a channel that goes out to a large lake. It looks like gator haven. The people here don’t give it a thought. They fish, boat, and go kayaking out through the channel. I ask them if they ever watched “Swamp People”?? Maybe I watched too many episodes!

If they’re not living in an RV/camper, they live in tiny houses with Florida rooms attached here in this park. Open and warm, the people here are kind, generous and ready for a story or a listening ear. One couple in particular, Kelly and Bob, have been extra helpful and trying to get me interested in doing things and meeting people. Kelly asked why I haven’t gone to any of the activities yet, I told her I was just in a fog.

I have to remember if it had been me who had crashed, Allison would still had to get up and feed her animals…time to get back to doing life’s chores.

November End 2023

November End 2023

by | Jan 30, 2024 | November 2023

(10th Post) How blessed to visit the ocean again in the same year! Still cool and lots of rain didn’t stop Nella and me for multiple walks on the beach. It just doesn’t get old. It renews my soul as I let the waves crashing into shore dissolve emotions that were troubling.

Bernee Brown talks about belonging and fitting in. Looking for where you belong can be a journey in itself. A place that welcomes you home and accepts you for who you are. You don’t have to ‘fit in’, because fitting in means you have to change who you are to feel like you belong.

Knowing who I am and what I would love in my life at this point is something I’ve been working on for a long time. After being a caregiver and babysitter for grandchildren – I just needed more. I needed a change, but I just haven’t found where that is yet. I know that water brings sanctuary into my life. Ocean side, lake views, rivers…where is my future home?

 Thanksgiving.

After two weeks at Mrytle Beach, we packed up and went further down the coast of SC to Johns Island.  My brother Jim and his fiancee Linda., have been inviting me down for years, but I couldn’t get away while caregiving. Now was the perfect time.

The island offers lush green jungle-like scenery. Every walk offered nature at its best. Birds of all kinds, low tides showing its beauty in the lowlands, and walks on the beach. I can see why they love it there.

The past month of cool rainy days caught up with me and I was coughing like a crazy woman. I didn’t feel bad, it was just a strange and horrible sounding cough. Jim and Linda were awesome hosts in helping me get over it. Plenty of rest and lots of bourbon cures anything!

Finally, a sunny day was upon us and we took a trip to Charleston, which was amazing! We took our pups to town and walked the streets, visited the open market, and had lunch at a pub with the patio to watch people come and go. The history and arts throughout the city were incredible, it’s certainly a must see to discover for yourself.

Jim’s neighbors invited us over for Thanksgiving. It seemed strange not caregiving and cooking for a crowd. The neighbors were gracious and loving. Their home was perfect! I could certainly feel myself living in a home like this, (I would need to win the lotto first!) Not too big, cozy, inviting, it had all the elements I wanted in a home. The hosts, food, and whiskeys were all amazing too!

November was coming to a close. I had time yet before checking into my winter spot in Leesburg, FL. Jim and Linda had plans to see her daughter in Nashville. It was time to head out.

I arrived at my bff’s  Cynthia home in the Villages, FL and was going to enjoy some time with her before going to my winter spot in less than a week.

Sunday night, November 26th Jim called. Allison and Randy had flown to Ludington to visit her mom on Thanksgiving weekend. That morning they were flying out. Snow falling, fog, icey cold. No one knows yet what happened or if it was a combination of the perfect storm of weather, equipment fail or some other unknown factor. The plane crashed and exploded. They were gone, along with their beloved dogs.

We were all stunned. Heartbroke.

Grief sets in again.

The two brightest lights helping so many in their community, loved by all. Just gone.

That’s all I can say about that now.

The Start of November 2023

The Start of November 2023

by | Jan 30, 2024 | November 2023

(9th Post) November Gail winds. Michigan’s legendary story of Edmond Fitzgerald comes to mind as I look back on this month now. A perfect storm brewing not knowing and not fully understanding what’s about to happen that changes our lives forever.

My first stop was back to Allison’s to go over plans to expand her teachings to other Equestrian Centers nationwide. The grant foundation that she was receiving her centers’ funds from encouraged her to train other consultants walking the same path, on how she is organizing, consulting, promoting, and growing her business as a nonprofit. They saw her as a leader on how she is impacting her clients, veterans and community. As her husband said, let’s make her ‘Queen’ of her industry!

We discussed marketing, online courses and events to start in 2024, plus strengthening courses for the veterans was in the works.

Excited for the future, we spoke many times about the projects and started getting materials ready. Life is good.

Left Indiana and onto Tennessee for a surprise visit with my cousin Liz and helped her and her husband the great Phil, finish painting their deck and get their home ready for an early winter.

It had been a long trying year for them as well, and we had great discussions on life and how short it becomes as we get older.

Frosty nights at 27 degrees make living in a rv a bit chilly, and so the urge to move onwards south closed out that visit!

Next stop, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Cousin Liz & Phil

Michigan Fall

Michigan Fall

by | Jan 29, 2024 | October 2023

(8th Post) October arrives and I spent it in my home state visiting my kids and their busy families. Watched the grandkids’ football games. Celebrated birthdays, decorated for Halloween, and spent time with the grandkids. Had a great time and I’m keeping the stories and memories for own.

While I was in Michigan, I finalized my folk’s final estate. Another door closed and complete. The time and money to pay fees & paperwork administering even the littlest of details is mind blowing.  It doesn’t matter how much or how little a person has in the end, making the decisions of what they wanted and having a will that was so basic and outdated was frustrating. Just trying to get it done, and just wanted to make it fair.

The state of Michigan probate courts and rules work for the state and the lawyers and not much for the people. To get a simple question answered you had to go through a ridiculous amount of phone calls to people who should know the answer but will pass the question onto the next person. Hours and hours on the phone just to fined out if I could file their probate small estate forms which included property in another county, at Ingham county probate court – which it should, since that’s the county she died in, and according to all the state rules and laws that’s where it should be filed. And yet it took forever for them to decide that…of course, they added, you should pay for a lawyer to make sure. Which would cost more than what the estate is worth. No offense to lawyers, but what a racket! End of rant.

October should have been relaxing, but I found myself flustered again. I loved being around my family but felt back on the treadmill. Wasn’t sure why until I came across a story online that described how I felt.

The Unbalanced Washing Machine story by Dr. Bertice Berry.

I found Dr. Berry on Facebook telling stories. Look her up and take a listen sometime. She’s funny, thoughtful, amazing and tells great stories on life. One morning I opened Facebook and this is the story she told. The Unbalanced Washing Machine. She talked about how her daughter would come home to do her laundry and would try to do it all in one load – into her brand-new washer. Dr Berry described her new washer and how quiet and well run it was. However, as her daughter kept overloading the machine (she called her one-load!) the machine would get off balance and be really loud. After a while, she found that even when she put in a really light load, the machine would still sound off balanced and loud. In other words, when you’ve been carrying a heavy load for so long, when life finally lightens up, you can still feel off balance. It takes time to recalibrate and find balance in your life.

Makes sense, after caregiving for so many years and 24/7 care in the last few years – on top of everything else I had going on, it was a heavy load which became my norm. Even though the responsibility is gone and I’m free…it still felt as though I was carring it all.

Time to recalibrate with another adventure.